Before I finally start work for the day... I need to vent a little.
Yes. I am trying to lose weight.
No. I am not doing it because I think I'm ugly.
No, I do not appreciate your constant criticisms about the fact that I am trying to lose weight.
No. I am not embarrassed to admit that I am trying to lose weight.
Yes. I have a shitload of weight to lose.
Yes. I am feeling overwhelmed.
No. You are not helping by encouraging me to go to Chipotle all the time or by telling me diet coke is for sissies or by saying, "But you're beautiful the way you are."
Yes. I am beautiful. But that doesn't take away from the fact that I am 235 pounds and should be about 160 at the max for my height to be considered healthy. So suck it.
Seriously. I'm sick of it. I can't believe the lack of support I have found here among my friends for my decision to lose weight. It's pissing me off. If my parents can support me, if strangers at my weight watchers meeting can support me, then you who I have known for x-amount of years should damn well support me. I don't fucking care if you think that I don't need to do it, or if you think that it's stupid that I signed up for weight watchers because that's something your mother would do, or you think that I care too much about how I look or whatever it is you are judging me for. You don't need to hush your voice when we're in a group of people eating food because I'm the one on the diet. For pete's sake, I am finally doing something... I am finally trying to take control of my life. I am not embarrassed by it and you shouldn't be either. Just please, support me. I have between 70 and 80 pounds to lose, and that's a big number, and so far, I'm not doing so well, so I would really just appreciate it if you would shut your tap about low-calorie foods and encourage me. Please. I'm not asking you to do it with me. I'm just asking that you're a little considerate, for God's sake. Think a little before inviting me to Chipotle. Do you realize there are 27 points in a single chicken burrito?? That is my favorite Chipotle food. I only have 30 points to use a day. Don't put me in that situation. I have very little willpower right now, and I am clearly underestimating how nutricious the food I am consuming actually is, considering the fact I have lost absolutely nothing in 2 weeks even though I've been working out and measuring my food down to the tablespoon and the whole shabang. I don't need your judgemental glances or your outward distaste of counting calories. Fuck you. I need to do this for me. If I keep going the way I am going, I am not going to have the quality of life I am looking for. I'm tired of being out of breath when I climb stairs, or of not getting a good quality sleep, or of being to tired in general for anything fun. I'm tired of walking into a store and not finding anything that fits me. I'm tired of barely being able to fit into a fucking airplane seat. You have no right to tell me that this amazingly positive life choice is no good.
So, in conclusion, if you don't have anything nice to say, please don't say it at all. Thank you and goodnight. And by goodnight, I mean, good morning.