Friday, November 20, 2009
finding my place?
Isn't it only supposed to be the freshman and transfer students who are still trying to find their place? I don't think I've ever felt so completely lost at school before. I just don't belong anywhere. I don't fit in with any group of people. I don't like going to the bars, and the only thing to do, really, is go to the bars. On top of it all, I'm just really shy and insecure sometimes. I want so desperately to fit in somewhere and to look forward to a fun weekend for once instead of one spent indoors watching "Say Yes to the Dress." I hate the fact that the only people I've ever hung out with in college have either moved, gotten married, or gotten a new group of friends to hang out with. I hate being in this position. I hate being alone. I just want to have fun. That's all I ask. I want a place to belong. I want to have friends here who I can go to about anything. I don't want to be the last resort friend, or the friend you only hang out with when you would rather not go to the bars. Is that so much to ask? It doesn't help that I'm so paranoid about what other people think of me, either. God. I should have been out of this phase by now. This just sucks. I'm gonna go do something lame like wash dishes or something. Maybe eat even more icecream. I hate how this feels.