Today at Mass I realized that everything is going to be just fine. Of course this doesn't give me much peace right now... at least not enough peace to get me to stop freaking out... but I think maybe realizing now how fine everything will be in the future, the future version of myself will feel more at peace.
Tonight at Mass, after receiving the Eucharist, I went into my heartroom and sat on Jesus' lap on a log on a beach and looked out at the sunset from across the ocean. And Jesus kissed me on the forehead and told me that everything was going to be just fine and that he believed in me and that he loved me. That was pretty cool. I liked it. I was sad to have to leave my heartroom. He didn't tell me to stop worrying so much because he had a plan... he just said that everything would be fine. And that was pretty comforting to me.
A lot of times I wish I knew what, exactly, the "plan" is. But then I wonder... maybe the plan really is that there is no plan. Maybe the plan is that God has given me a set of talents and desires and when I grow in my relationship with him, I'll figure out what to do with them so that I can best make him proud.
Maybe the issue isn't that if I make the wrong decision, I'll screw my entire life up. Maybe there isn't even a "wrong" decision. Maybe that's why all of my possible paths seem so right to me. Maybe as long as I do something, and if I do it for the glory of God, then maybe that's what God wants. Right?
That's my story and I'm stickin' to it. I've been putting way too much pressure on myself to be "correct." Especially since I truly believe that if I screw up, my entire life is doomed. That's no way to live.