I haven't gone to the gym in a week and I haven't counted any points for Weight Watchers since at *least* Wednesday. This week is probably not going to be one of my greatest in terms of watching my weight, but do I regret anything that happened this week? Heck no!

I've never had a birthday celebration before. Even when I was little... the only real party I had (aside from my 1st birthday, I think) was in 2nd grade and involved Pin the Tail on the Donkey (which I'm not hatin on, by the way). I've never really had anyone plan anything special for me for my birthday... for the past couple years, it's pretty much just been me bothering people and asking them if they'd like to fit in a movie with me that day... and I wound up paying for my ticket.

But this year... it's just so wonderful. I love having my parents visit. I've missed them. As much bitching and moaning I do about my parents... I love them and I really do miss them. I don't want tomorrow to be my last day with them... but I'm so excited for what tomorrow holds. Tomorrow meaning when the sun comes up... because technically... right now it's June 29th, and you know what that means!!! :o)

Today we went to the Mall of America and the most tremendous thing happened... we encountered a booth set up where people were handing out Dr. Pepper... FOR FREE. And I'm talkin cold, full cans of Dr. Pepper. Holy mother of pearl... it was just... glorious. Luminous. Joyful. Not very sorrowful, though (haha. rosary reference! hecka yeahh). My parents don't have a taste for Dr. Pepper... but they each took a can anyway that I stashed in my purse for future use. Oh man. Amazing.

I love cooking for my family. I love drinking wine with my mom and exchanging our drink preferences and realizing that I'm pretty much my mother at this point. I knew it was coming... I could see the storms a-brewin... the winds a-changin... I knew the moment would come where I would look at my reflection in the mirror and see my mother... but I never knew it would come right now... at age 21. I always swore I'd never turn into my mother... that I'd go piss on my own tree, be who I want to be. But nope. You might as well call me Mary Gardner.

It's not a diss on my mom, though. After spending time with her and really truly seeing her as the beautiful and beloved child of God she is (and really... so beautiful... and so strong, too)... realizing that she and I share many odd traits is a huge compliment. An honor.

Today, when I turned 21... I was on Facebook. I was listening to "Falling Slowly" from the Once soundtrack. I wore my green Bennies t-shirt and my favorite pair of blue jeans and my favorite pair of orange socks with snails on them. Yikes. 21. There are pretty much no restrictions on what I can or can't do anymore (except, as my pal Paul so lovingly pointed out, the dream-crusher he is, I cannot be president quite yet).

This has been the most special birthday I can ever remember. And there's still another day left of it. And then a day after that. I'm going to see how far I can stretch these birthday celebrations. Perhaps I can get a whole weeks worth of celebrating in. That would be truly phenomenal.

Anyway. I'm off like a dirty shirt.
Peace,
SG

My parents came up to visit for my birthday. I friggin love having them here. Oh boy.

At first, I was worried. I cleaned the entire apartment because of the fear of my mom and my different opinions on what is considered a 'sty. But then they got here... and it just got amazing. They got me a cute little happy birthday cake and insisted that we eat it tonight, because today marked the first of my three-day birthday jubilee. I love and embrace the concept of a three-day birthday jubilee! Three days of celebrating my birthday?? Heck yes!! They also insisted on me opening my present from my sister... and boy oh boy am I glad I did!! I got this SWEET wine glass that has something along the lines of "I am the birthday queen!" written all over it. It's positively magnificient. I enjoyed a glass of whtie zin that my mom bought for us to share during this jubilee.... despite the fact that I'm not quite 21. heh. I suppose technically, in the spirit of the jubilee, I am 21. So that glass was completely legit. Of course.

Anyway. We went to Mass at St. Joe, and I laughed because A) my mom's not used to all the kneeling and taking her time with prayers at Mass and not saying her name before receiving the Eucharist... it was fun watching her... heh heh and B) My dad's not used to going to Mass period, as he's a Lutheran/creaster... so he only really goes to church twice a year... so anything I enjoyed watching my mom do, I doubly enjoyed watching my dad. hehe. After Mass we went and looked at the Sacred Heart Chapel and then went back to my apartment for dinner. I made this PHENOMENAL chicken broccoli casserole. My Mom had suggested mixing in some of this spicy southwestern chicken with the regular chicken I had in there, as well as adding cheese on top of the entire dish... and oh my dear sweet 9 pound 8 oz baby infant Jesus... my taste buds have never experienced such utter joy until that moment. Delicious.

I also ate cake tonight. I can expect cake tomorrow night and the night after that as well. This is a jubilee, after all.

Tomorrow, my mom and dad are coming over around 9:00 (IN THE MORNING! AHH!) so I can make them breakfast/my mom can teach me how to make a proper breakfast. Then we're going to spend the day at the Mall of America, and then come back to the Sams in St. Cloud to pick up some groceries/cookie sheets/muffin tins (yay!) and then come back to the apartment for dinner (meatloaf!! my favorite!!)

It was absolutely lovely being the host tonight, though. I loved serving food and cleaning up for my guests and entertaining them. It felt really good. Plus, I love my parents, and I'm so genuinely excited that they actually wanted to come up here for my birthday. :o) Life is grand. Absolutely grand. A lot grander than yesterday, that's for sure. And that is a story I'm not going to go into (you got a taste of how my day was yesterday from my rated R post under this one... things are much better now... haha), because right now, I'm feeling good, and I don't want to jinx it.

Rawk on.

Quite possibly the longest stream of obscenity I have ever uttered in my life.

Who the FUCK ever decided that it was EVER okay to take someones wet laundry out of the dryer, when it's their turn to do laundry according to the laundry schedule, place it on top of the dryer to finish drying their TWO fucking items of clothing that didn't dry in time for the other person to start drying their full load of laundry? Who DOES that? Apparently, someone in Westkaemper does, and I'm fucking pissed. Grow the fuck up. You didn't sign up for laundry, I did. You weren't done when my time started. I even gave you an entire fucking HOUR extra because you put so much SHIT in the laundry. That is NOT the way it works. So FUCK OFF.

God damn worst fucking day of my life so far. Shit ass mother fucker. GF;HGFASHBUIPAGHP.

that dress looks nice on you.

Something wonderful is going to happen.

I don't know how to explain my suspicions. I just know it. I'm in for something truly great. And I really don't have an idea what this great thing is. It's just a gut feeling.

Something wonderful is going to happen.

I know I'm due for something wonderful. I know that I've been going up, down, and all around for the past three years of my life, and dang nabbit, the time is now. And by now... I mean... soon. I really don't know when it's going to happen. I don't know what, or who, or where, or why, or how it is... I just know that it is. And it's going to happen. Soon.

I feel as though I'm not just flying at a nice cruising altitude anymore. Something is going to change. I'm descending.. I'm turning... I'm doing something. I'm not crashing. It's a step closer. I'm getting there. I can FEEL it. I'm at the edge of a cliff... a fork in the road... the start of a bridge leading to a place that isn't here anymore. I know it. I don't know when it's going to happen. Or who. Or how. Or why. Or what. I just know that it is. And it's going to happen. Soon.

It might be in a week. It might be in a couple months. But it's going to be soon... even if soon isn't quite right now... within the great context of my life, it's pretty darn soon. I know it because that still small voice inside me kept saying "patience" before. Now it's saying, "get excited." And I am. Because I'm ready for it. Bring it.

June 29.

My birthday is on June 29th this year. That is in one week. 7 days. I guess 8 days if you still count today, but I would rather not, because I would rather my birthday come sooner than later. I'll be the big 2-1. I'm excited, because this year, since I'm in Minnesota, my parents are coming up to visit me for my birthday. This is quite epic, seeing as how my parents always come up with excuses to not visit me at any given opportunity for family bonding that the school offers. My parents will be coming up Saturday and will be leaving Tuesday. I think Saturday I'm going to go to Mass, cook them dinner, and maybe go see a movie. Sunday... I think Sunday I want to go to the Mall of America, since they've never been, and then maybe swing down to Hastings to learn about the history my family has there. I'll make dinner for my family again on Sunday night, and who knows what we'll do after. I really have no idea. Monday, I have to work until noon, but then after I'm going to show my parents around campus and take them to see the transportation shop. I'm super excited for that. Then after that I was thinking about hittin up the Big Ball o Twine... but then I learned that the BBOT is an hour away... so we might not be able to go there... which is sad. I can't think of anything better to do with my family than go see a big ball of twine. haha. But then, that night, since I can't go to prison as I will be in the company of my parents, I think they're going to take me out to dinner... to a restaraunt I haven't decided on yet. I would love to do something fun in the evening... like bowling!!... but I guess that depends on a) what time it is, b) how tired my parents are, and c) if any of my friends are up for going out on a monday night.

I was facing this huge dilemma tonight... should I post my birthday on Facebook, or no? I was very strongly opposed to it at first, because I'm really tired of getting a billion messages from people I haven't seen since my sophomore year of high school wishing me a happy birthday. But you know what? To be honest... it's nice having someone remember your birthday. And if I never told anyone my birthday, it would be good, because they could see it up on facebook. And I decided that I don't think I could really handle people forgetting my birthday... i'm just too stinking lonely up here as it is sometimes... especially at this particular time of the month, when I know my stupid and psychotic ex-boyfriend named Fred will probably wind up scratching at my door again... which he does every single month... almost like clockwork. I know one time he left me a few drunk messages on my voicemail saying he would stop by, but he was too busy drinking his weight in liquor, thus reminding me of why I dumped his sorry behind to begin with, but not showing up that time. But seriously. This guy is just crazy. And he's so stinking moody!! Ugh! Fred! Seriously! ah. sorry. I just get all worked up thinking about it sometimes. hahaha ("once you GET THIS...."--bobertz). Conversations involving Fred are always the best conversations, though. But that's beside the point. The point is that I want people to know when my birthday is. I want my birthday to be a time of celebration. I want to know that someone out there cares that I was born on June 29, 1988. I want someone to prove my silly brain wrong... when it tells me that my birthday isn't a special day at all... I want it to be special. So basically, what I'm trying to say is that my birthday is now posted on Facebook. I gave in.

This post is entirely too long for the subject matter. But it's too late to apologize... it's too laaaaaate....

I feel better already.

I'm interested in going on a road trip. A legit one. Out of state. Anywhere. But please. Get me away from here. Please? This place is suffocating me.

JVC

I get asked often what exactly I want to do after graduation with a degree in theology and minor in nothing (it would have been a minor in english/writing, if only they offered classes next semester for english... so frustrating), and slim-pickins for a good ministry job anywhere... and the only real confident answer I can give is that I am definitely not going to grad school anytime soon. I also tend to give this automated answer about the possibility of volunteering. I have definitely been thinking about taking a year or two off to volunteer with some volunteer agency somewhere since the beginning of my sophomore year... but honestly... I just haven't given it deeper thought since. It's always been in the back of my mind, however, and the other night I decided to visit the Jesuit Volunteer Corp website (which is the one I was the most intrigued by two years ago) and I felt it. I felt it. I don't know what it is, exactly, but I felt it. It made me feel like how Elizabeth must have felt when Mary visited her carrying the Christ child, and the baby lept in her own womb. I don't have any babies in my womb or anything, but something in me bursted. I just got so excited. I haven't felt this since my freshman year when I started learning about being a bus driver. Well actually, the last time I felt this kind of "soul burst" was more this past year... I've actually felt it a couple times for a couple of situations. But. The most concrete example I have of the soul burst would be the bus driving example, especially since that is proof enough to me that the soul burst leads me into good directions. And you know, my sophomore year I was trying to discern the possibility of transferring to either Loyola or DePaul University in Chicago, and I decided not to transfer at all, but I did also learn that I would loove to go to Loyola when I am able to. And the other night, upon further investigating the JVC website, I learned of the Magis program, which is a special Masters program for former JVCs through Loyola University, where they all live in community and are assigned to certain volunteering locations in Chicago and also take classes to get a masters degree in whatever areas are listed with the program (including pastoral studies and secondary education... which is pretty much right up my alley).

But anyway. I'm indescribably excited at this possibility. It just feels like good things are right around the bend for me in my life right now... and the possibility of being part of the Jesuit Volunteer Corp after graduation is part of it. If anyone is reading this who just so happens to have experience with the JVC, please feel free to comment this blog, I'd love to hear about your experiences. :-)

Bye. :o)