a little off target...

So my interview at Target was a major fail. There were multiple factors involved in my epic failure:
1) I did *not* want the job I was applying for whatsoever. I showed up and they said, "We will be interviewing you for the 5-9am shift unloading trucks." I should have left right then.
2) I was ticked that they took 45 minutes of my life away filling out a paper version of the online personality survey I already filled out upon sending in my application. The only thing different, I kid you not, were the 2 pages of graphs questions at the end. The other 8 pages were the exact.fricking.same.thing.
3) I was nervous. Really nervous. I could only come up with bus stories.
4) I flat out lied on a couple questions.

I know the interview didn't go well because the majority of my comments went under a "low strengths" section. Furthermore, the guy before me who was applying for the exact same job was hired on the spot, whereas I was told that an ambiguous someone would be contacting me in the next couple weeks with a decision.

I know that I could have done better. For starters, I need an attitude change. I need to get my head out of my butt and just take whatever God decides to send me... whether it's Target or somewhere else. I *know* it's not fair that I spent money I don't have to study my ass off for 4 years at a private Catholic institution of higher learning 400 miles away from home and endured many spiritual and emotional issues in between, in order to earn a piece of paper that tells me I'm qualified for more than unloading boxes from a truck at Target, only to be applying to Target to unload boxes from a truck... but it was something. An opportunity. I do take full responsibility in the mess I made of the opportunity because of my cocky attitude. I cannot have everything I want immediately. I might need to work on it. Touche, God.

But in my defense, it was my first *real* job interview. I really *was* nervous. I really had no idea what to talk about, and I really did get intimidated by my frequent awkward silences. But I am grateful for the experience, because now that I have had this bad one, I know that I can only get better... so one day, when I am interviewing for my dream job, I won't screw it up again.

After my interview at Target, I decided to go cash a "paycheck" from my "job" at Holy Family (I put those in quotation marks because I don't consider it anything more than a way for me to get out of the house once in awhile... I earn well under minimum wage at that job and am scheduled for 2 shifts in the entire month of June), and after realizing I was overdrawn on my checking account somehow and only had a small amount in there, meaning that I couldn't go shopping for fun undies like I had originally wanted... I had a breakdown. It was really bad. I sat in the parking lot and couldn't stop crying. Awful doesn't even begin to describe it. I felt literally at the bottom of my rope. I have no job yet, no money in my checking or savings account, I haven't heard from my roommates since I left and felt like they just forgot about me even though I've been texting them at least once a week just to say hi... I felt like a complete failure. I started to panic about paying back my loans if I only had that small amount in my checking account with no steady income. I seriously felt like the sky was falling. I could have puked. It was so terrible. I yelled at God. I threatened God. And then somehow, out of nowhere, I just felt this incredible surge of strength. I realized that I had a choice... I could either sit around in the car and cry and possibly puke, or I could take advantage of the fact that I had the car for the day and go around and pick up applications and keep trying. It was this amazing "fight-or-flight" response and I realized that I am completely capable of overcoming obstacles. I'm so stressed out right now... so much more stressed out than I have ever been trying to meet deadlines for school... but I'm getting my strength to keep going and not throw myself in front of a bus somehow.

So I started the car again, went to Lens Crafters to get my glasses adjusted (they were totally crooked on my face... which I'm sure made a great impression on the folks at Target... haha), and then I just followed my gut and went to Barnes and Noble. I have been wanted to go all week, but I actually did today, only to learn that they were secretly looking for a couple new employees, so I said, "Hi. I'm Sara. I LOVE books a LOT. Can I have a job?" and filled out an application. I think I also talked to a manager at one point, too, upon handing in my completed application, because he was dressed sharp like a manager should, and he took an interest in my application and started asking me questions about it and about myself, and I was friendly and myself and said that while I have no real experience with retail, I love books, and I love helping people, and that should show some kind of potential, right? Furthermore, Barnes and Noble is a great place for me to work as a graduate student of writing and publishing. JUST HIRE ME ALREADY. I love Barnes and Noble a heck of a lot more than Target (though Target is really sweet-o-matic, don't get me wrong... I just seriously love books. My senior year of high school I took my Valentine's Day date to Barnes and Noble with me after dinner to look at books and smell them for awhile and the poor guy actually did. it was great. so romantic. but I digress).

So anyway. That's how my Target interview went. Not quite a bulls-eye, but still not entirely awful either.