Today (my birthday! woo!) is *really* starting out on the right foot.
For starters... I had the most EPIC of all dreams last night. It was like God whipped me up something special. You see, in my dream, I was part of a secret spy organization of some kind who had to go around beating up the bad guys. In the beginning, I was given the opportunity to meet Lady Gaga... which I was toootally stoked for, because I really like Lady Gaga. And Lady Gaga did not disappoint. She was certifiably insane. She was dressed in this all white costume thing with feathers and God only knows what else, with this crazy makeup on and insanely long eyelashes, and she just kind of serpentined over to me (I don't know how to explain it.... her head was very snake-like) and almost got too close for comfort, but I remembered (in my dream) that the way to calm the Gaga beast was to stare right into her eyes (it earns her respect) no matter what, and never let go. So Lady Gaga is gettin all up in my bizznass and I couldn't stop staring at her comically made-up face, and she was yelling at me for being backstage when I wasn't allowed to be, but I was like, "No way girl, I'm here and I'm meeting you!" So I got into a little staredown with Gaga and eventually she retreated and we became friends.
Then my dream jumped down to some dark alleyway where I engaged in some kind of business transaction with a shady character, and then my dream jumped to a scene where Morgan Freeman (yes, Morgan Freeman) and I were standing outside of a restaurant in the city. Morgan Freeman and I walked in and we had this plan to stick with as part of our secret spy mission, except it was a total set up. The bad guys started shooting at us, but as we were caught off guard we didn't have anything to defend ourselves, so we hid under tables and the bad guys left. And I looked over at Morgan Freeman and he was bleeding because a chunk of his ear got shot off, and I was like, "Dude! Your ear got shot off!" and he was like, "Oh don't worry about it, I'm fine" in his totally soothing Morgan Freeman voice. Unconvinced, I called 911 (but I was frustrated because I forgot that on cellphones, apparently, I had to dial 9 first to get out), and then I didn't know we were to get the ambulances to come to, and Morgan Freeman was just calmly giving me directions to give to the 911 operator and kept trying to butt in to tell the lady that he was fine, it was just a flesh wound. But before the ambulances even had a chance to come, we had to get our patooties out of there because the bad guys were back. And, oh my gosh, epic of all epic parts... a SCHOOL BUS showed up driven by BRADLEY COOPER and MATTHEW MCCONNAUGHEY as our getaway car. And this school bus was seriously badass... like, it had flames coming out of it and could go 0 to 60 in 95. So this engine is revving and waiting for us outside of the restaurant, and I can hear Bradley Cooper whoopin it up (I think he even had war paint painted on that gorgeous body of his), and then Mr. T and Darkwing Duck come out and tell us to hurry up. And then I woke up.
Please don't tell me that was not the most epic dream you have ever heard of. I can only explain it as a birthday present just for me, from God. You can't make this up.
Anyway. I need to go cash some checks and go to Kohls to get some more workout clothes. Wooohooooo. Adios. :o)