There just may be a part of me protesting simply because I'm considering being single for the rest of my life. Perhaps it is an option worth looking into. Would I want to get married to Jesus? Probably not. Don't get me wrong... I've thought about it... a lot. A lot more than you think I have. I usually don't talk about things like me and my vocation in terms of single life, married life, or religious life.
But now... the topic is unavoidable. So many people from high school are married already, and if not married already, already engaged. Too many people are recently engaged. I guess I'm happy for them.... I mostly don't care about their happiness, to be honest, due to a variety of reasons... most of them that involve being bitter about something or other. And I realize that the "Christian" response would be to just be happy for them and their life change... but... I'm gonna call bullshit on this.
Seriously? You're engaged. You haven't even graduated college yet. You're a year younger than I am. And you're engaged.
The part of this that I'm taken aback by isn't that these people are engaged... it's that I'm automatically comparing myself to them. My shock isn't for them... my motives are entirely selfish.
I feel like I'm missing the boat.
Granted... next year, I think I might volunteer. Or get a job. Or go to school. I don't know what the flying fudge I am going to be doing. That's a whole other blog post. But now I'm wondering... maybe I will be single. And you know, the single life isn't entirely unappealing to me. I wouldn't have to account for anyone but myself. I could rely solely on myself and I wouldn't have to deal with the mess of disappointment and false promises. I like the idea of being independent. I like the idea of living on my own and managing my own finances and figuring all that stuff out for myself, rather than depending on someone else to take care of it for me. But maybe I wouldn't mind companionship either, you know? Maybe I would like a family one day. Maybe I would like to be a mother one day. Maybe I would like to fall in love, get married, and raise a family that loves each other and that forgives each other and is the exact opposite of this bullshit family I have. I mean okay... my family isn't complete bullshit... but I'd make it a good 85% shit straight from a bull. Even after missing my family for 3 months... just spending less than 2 nights under the same roof makes me want a stiff drink... which says a lot, since I drink maybe once every blue moon. Now I am off topic.
On topic--stop getting engaged. Just stop doing it. Stop shoving my singleness in my face. Stop reminding me that I haven't seriously dated anyone since high school. Stop reminding me that perpetual singleness just might be an option for me. Graduate. Go live in a foreign country for a year. Do something with your life. Do something wild and crazy. Get married later.
Of course I have friends who are married already and have been married for quite some time. It's still weird for me that they are actually married. I'm not saying it's bad to get married young. I'm simply saying that I'm sick of seeing everyone getting engaged and married within weeks of each other. It makes me want to hurl.