Monday, October 12, 2009

The future

Today I sat in my seat after receiving the Eucharist at Mass. In my chat with Jesus, my thoughts drifted to my future and how I've been seriously freaking myself out about it for the past week or so... how just a couple nights ago I freaked out so bad I lost sleep over it. It was awful. I started to talk to Jesus about how scared out of my mind I am to graduate and how I have absolutely no idea what to do... how the options for volunteering, moving back home, finding a job and my own apartment, or going straight to grad school, all seem almost equally appealing to me. I have no idea what to do... and it's October. Most people seem to have this all figured out by now. But I have no idea. And now I'm getting overwhelmed. Do I apply for volunteering or for grad school or for youth ministry jobs? Do I apply for all three? Do you realize how stressful that is? How am I supposed to do anything without money? How am I supposed to get my own apartment and car to get to my job? How am I supposed to pay for all of my own bills and groceries and loans? How am I going to survive a year after graduation without winding up broke and homeless?

I started to freak out again. Question after question... I challenged God. What the stink is He thinking???? Trusting me to be an adult? What?

And then... almost as if it were planned... a verse was sung and it caught my attention. The verse... of course I don't remember the words exaaactly... but it was about not worrying about tomorrow... about how God will take care of us... about how God cares for each bird in the sky and has every hair on my head counted... so surely I do not need to worry about anything, because God will not abandon me.

Touche, God (I even said this out loud). You win this time. Of course it's not a direct answer to my question... but I know mysterious is your style... so I guess I'll just have to try to chill out and let my life kind of work out the way it needs to.

1 comment:

  1. hey, so if you would be up for it... maybe sometime next week i could come up in an evening...maybe drive you to your meeting and join u and then we can hang out and chat about all this stuff... i've got a few ideas since preston and i were just there with the whole financially supporting self thing... let me know if you'd b in for a date night!