Before I die... I want to know why I'm alive.

What makes your heart skip a beat? What gets you so excited that you can't fall asleep because you keep thinking about it? What is your biggest passion? What makes you feel alive? What makes you feel so alive that you can feel the wind blow between each of your fingers?

It used to be bus driving. I used to feel really excited to go drive the bus. Granted, I still do... but definitely not the extent that I used to. I asked for some divine help at the start of the year to help me fizzle out my desire to drive the bus... because I knew that if I didn't get a hold of it, I would really miss driving the bus too much after I graduate. I at least wanted to take the focus off of my current job, and if I could refocus that energy to another job, that would be fantastic... but for now... I just have to detach myself from my job.

But aside from the bus driving... what exactly am I passionate about? What gets my blood going? What brings tears to my eyes?

Is it cheesy to admit that one of these passions is God? I thrive off of my conversations with God in whatever form they take... whether it's Mass, taking a walk around the lake, volunteering, or even having conversations with other people about anything at all (God is present in everyone after all, correct?). I love learning little intimate details about people's lives... like what they were like in 3rd grade, or what they think or how they feel about life and love and why. I love God so, so deeply, and the love that I have for God is definitely carried over into my relationships with my friends, and sometimes my family.

I am very passionate about people and about having relationships with people... regardless of the type of relationship. I love getting to know people, spending time in the presence of people, laughing and crying and frolicking with people. I love to love others. I remember when I was in high school, I asked God what He wanted me to do with my life... and I heard a distinct response, which was a simple, "Love." There are some areas in which I need to learn how to love people a little better. But for the most part... I just love to love. Granted, this doesn't help me pick out a career. I guess it gives me a little flexibility... I think that's why I love bus driving so much--because I can be that person who is there smiling for you a real genuine toothy smile when you get on the bus after you just had the most stressful test of your life.

I always feel so much better when I'm volunteering. I think if I volunteered more, I would be happier. I volunteered all the time in high school... and now that I'm in college... I just don't. But I love to. It's what I do. Maybe that's part of why I don't feel content all the time at college... because I'm not doing what I love.... loving others. I mean I volunteer at least once a month. But I could do more. I remember one time I volunteered at the Place of Hope my freshman year... in the fall... when I knew no one. It was awesome. Why haven't I kept that up? Hm? I always felt so ALIVE in high school when I planned and led retreats and IGNITE nights and did my peer ministry thing and my justice and service things. What stopped me in college??? What's my deal??

I just love people. I love to love. Loving makes my heart skip a beat and makes me so happy inside. I love to reach out to people who don't get loved that often and just love them. And I really love God. I could sit in adoration for hours and just sit there and love Jesus.

So. Loving others and loving God makes my heart skip a beat and makes me feel the wind between my fingers. I don't really know what the heck I'm going to do with that though. But anyway. Fin.